Inspired by Michael O, written by “Fido” (pen name, aka Joan S)
At a recent OA Zoom meeting, we read the A.A. Big Book Chapter To Wives.
As we read To Wives it became obvious that people in the meeting were having difficulty relating to the text.
During our Zoom meeting, my dog barked. I was not on mute. Shortly after, I saw a chat box pop up that said: “To Dogs”. I found this incredibly funny, it made me laugh out loud in fact. I started thinking, why not a chapter “To Dogs”? I decided to write to both cats and dogs in the spirit of diversity and inclusion. After all, this is the spirit of the Big Book that many of us cherish, is it not? That no matter who we are or what our beliefs are, we are welcome and can recover. As long as we are willing to work for it, and trust in something greater than ourselves.
Aren’t animals an important part of the life we live? What would their perspective be I wondered? Maybe we could learn from them. So with that in mind, the following words seemed to pen themselves ;).
To Dogs and Cats:
“As dogs and cats with owners who are alcoholics and food addicts we think we are uniquely qualified to help you cope with the seemingly tragic illness and symptoms of your owners. With undying loyalty, tolerance, and unconditional love you alone are the most qualified to live with the distressing symptoms of this disease. Perhaps it is because no matter what happens, we as dogs and cats love and stay loyal. We don’t criticize or bark. When our alcoholic/addict is being a total shit, when they are in the throws of the illness and spiritual malady, we know what they need most – love. Sadly, perhaps they themselves don’t believe they deserve the love and presence we offer. We recommend in those times, you lick their face, purr, or climb on their lap. Bring them your favorite toy and remind them life can be fun too. Perhaps carry their newspaper or slippers to them.
Give them a reason to get up every day, if only to care for you, to feed you. Take them for long walks in the fresh air. If they leave you, even if only to go outside for a minute when they come back greet them with the utmost of joy, buoyancy, and happiness as if you haven’t seen them in years. When they are really down and out, lay down next to them. Just be with them.
You can also show them what to do when they are overpowered. Demonstrate how they can simply roll over and go belly up. Thereby submitting to the Higher Dog or Higher Cat the very thing that has overpowered them. “Lack of Power is their (our) Dilemma”. You may have to demonstrate this lesson repeatedly and loyally for years. You can also show them some dreams are worth chasing with everything you have.
In truth, I was mad at Bill when I found out he wrote the chapter To Wives. What gaul he had to deny Lois the chance to be heard I thought. It would be so easy to stay mad at Bill for disguising himself as a wife of an alcoholic and excluding Lois. How dare he masquerade in this fashion. As I thought about this, I had to conclude that it was God who used Bill to write a brilliant book that has helped so many alcoholics, food addicts, and many other 12 Steppers. Bill wasn’t perfect, he made mistakes, he was human and weak. Aren’t I just like Bill? Don’t I continue to make mistakes and do harm? Doesn’t my ego still get in my way?
As I was wrapping this up, I looked over at my dog who was waiting patiently for a walk. I was reminded that dogs forgive easily. The old expression, “let sleeping dogs lie” reminds me that sometimes it’s best to move on and let things in the past go. If I met Bill today, I decided I would like to greet him and his humanity with honesty, love, and tolerance in dog and cat-like fashion. With joy and unconditional love. In thinking of doing so, somehow makes it a little easier for me to love and accept my own imperfections and humanity.
Footnote:
*A statement from the Alcoholic/Food Addict to Dogs and Cats:
First of all, we want to thank you cats and dogs for your unconditional love and loyal support. As this chapter is being written To Dogs and Cats, we want to admit to you we were overcome by a personality changing and life-threatening illness. You loved us when we couldn’t love ourselves. You were always patient with us. We are eternally grateful to you for this. You reminded us that we are loved and cherished. The love you give so freely awakens us to the love of our HP. We commit to working hard on our recovery day by day so we can provide the love and attention you have so freely given us, back to you. You certainly deserve it! We will also be better prepared to provide the dog and cat food, treats, and toys you so look forward to. Thank you again for your love and tolerance.