I have been living a Spiritual Way of Life as outlined in the Big Book of AA since 2014. When I feel irritable, restless or discontent from some life experience I find unacceptable to me I take a 10th step and or turn to pages in the Big Book I am guided to. They include notes I wrote when my sponsor took me through the steps going on 6 years ago. It has been and still is my blueprint to restore SANITY and share with others.
Today, I had two experiences that I found hard to accept. The first was getting a text from my adult son who informed me that for the 2nd year in a row he and his wife would be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas day at his in-laws and my husband and I were invited to their apartment on a day I work.
My attachment to our family’s Christmas Eve tradition cut me off from the Sunlight of the Spirit. While walking my dog I realized I need to let my son do what makes him happy. I also thought that it would be in my best interest to take a look at what the Big Book of AA had to say and read notes from my sponsor.
When I got home, I noticed I had a text message on my phone before I took my Big Book out of my drawer. This text was from someone who said she’d secure the help we needed to move a 300 lb. medical bed in an assisted living facility for my dad this weekend to protect my husband and son’s already ailing back. She assured me Friday that we would have help moving the bed this Sunday. By Saturday afternoon she texted “no help”. My fear quickly reminded me this is the same person who misinformed me my Dads Medicaid application was approved, and it wasn’t. I drifted into fear disguised as fury so fast my head spun even though I cannot afford the luxury of a resentment. I am grateful I recognized the sunlight of the Spirit was fading fast and chose to turn from fear back to God which the Big Book makes possible.
I turned to page 85 in the Big Book and read, “It is easy to let up on the Spiritual Program of Action and rest on our laurels”. “We are headed for trouble if we do”. I read something else about how helping others takes us out of ourselves. I made a few phone calls. The one person who did answer didn’t want my help. I turned to page 52. My step notes written after the word “bedevilment” said “my immaturity and approach to life is what hurts me, not the events”. The line after that reminded me that I had to, “Stop doubting the Power of God”. I had to “believe God was everything or nothing”. Then I read the story on the bottom of page 55 to the top of 57. My notes said, “Knowledge of God is different than an experience, Seek God more intimately. Foundation is Powerlessness and HP is the Cornerstone.
Well, I am writing this because I had a Spiritual experience. I am so excited I cannot keep it to myself.
What I read helped bring me into alignment with God. This helped me to let go long enough that my HP could guide me. I Quickly remembered that the Administrator of the facility where my Dad resides called me Friday to tell me the persons name who would be helping my Dad move his 300lb medical bed Sunday. It occurred to me that this person who misinformed me once before might not have had all the facts once again. I texted back to her what the administrator told me and asked if she knew that. She said no. Wow! The sunlight of the Spirit returned before I asked her because I sought to understand. It grew stronger because I turned to God instead of fear. Fear is like a thief that creates all my problems. When I told my sponsor “My problems really are of my own making”! She said, “Ding! Ding! Ding! You get the prize”!
By: Anonymous